My Own Story


 

I was raised baptist.  I had none of the oft cited bad experiences, however some things I was told simply did not add up for me.  Nonetheless, I had a number of experiences that proved to me some of what the relevant text had to say was true.  These were in the form of classic hauntings and other manifestations that were banished via the authority of Yeshua. These were among the first of my spiritual experiences.

Not all was normal christendom for me still though.  I purchased and read the Silmarillion by J.R.R. Tolkien.  A character in there grabbed at me.  Fear not, I did not conclude this character was real.  All I knew is that something about him pulled at me. This was a stepping stone.  The pull nagged me until I came across a book outlining existing mythologies Tolkien borrowed from.  Once I had gotten to this, the first pull ceased, and I was onto a new one, Celtic mythology. I began to notice "resonances" for lack of a better term.  The Sidhe especially jumped out at me. It was intuition at first, I knew that was me..somehow.

But I had to check, and the only way I knew how was to pray for an answer.  Here's the kicker.  I prayed to YHVH, the God of the Bible, for a long time, and the answer was a confirmation (try taking THAT to church). Again and again it was a confirmation

I had no answer as to how though.  Keep in mind that this was in the early to mid nineties.  I had no internet access to speak of and had not idea that there was this thing called an otherkin or anything like it.  My first explanation, as I had no other, was the idea of a changeling.  I had found a source that said they could grow and lead semi normal lives, I thought maybe that was me.  This of course came with a whole host of problems I didn't realize at the time.

I went into the Marine Corps, while there I had a little stint with Faery Wicca, but got out of it not long after my service was up as I ended up having a few more experiences that lent proof to my original faith. It was at this time that I discovered the idea of otherkin online at a board called F.A.E. I was pretty ripped apart there over the changeling idea and was introduced to the reincarnation idea.  Not only did reincarnation seem to conflict with the paradigm I held, but I had no memories anyway.  My search into this side of myself stagnated and I let it go for quite a while.

Then, I matched another resonance.  I found it in the concept of angels and nephilim. Stupidly, I had been presented with this notion at F.A.E. but had ran from it as I did not want to be something "evil." This time around, I dug into it.  To my perceptions, the concepts of Sidhe and Dannan had an accord with this new resonance I found.  To illustrate how it comes across for me, Sidhe to me are silver light, Dannan are gold, and the light behind those colors is this third, base resonance. Personally, as in, regarding my own person, this manifests as a "silver star" that I have perceived in my mid torso area.

I also had my first "memory." However, the content had nothing to do with Sidhe that I could see, and I put "memory" in quotes for a reason. I will get to that in a bit

As I learned more about the nephilim, things came together.  Contrary to what some may think, the relevant texts do not say they were all destroyed in the flood.  It in fact states that they were around in the days after, and that some occupied Cannan ahead of Joshua. Extra biblical sources, such as Enoch, say other interesting things about spirits that would issue from their flesh, which will be explained more in a bit.

I saw two ways that the Sidhe could have ended up with the same resonance.  One is through reincarnation.  In both ideas, the Sidhe would be a tribe descended from these beings.  As it biblically only states that it is appointed once for MEN (humans) to die....I saw a possible loophole of a being that isn't considered a human having the ability to reincarnate, at least once.

However there is another way.  There is a concept called traducianism.  This is the idea that when a baby is conceived, not only do biological components from the parents come together, but so do spiritual components to form the new spirit. Thus, it could be that the energetic system that is Sidhe, could be passed down via "bloodline," resulting in the resonances I perceive. This could also carry information, which could explain any memories, and which is why I put the word memory in quotes above. This could also be used as an interpretation of the concept of spirits issuing from the flesh of the nephilim mentioned above.

The memory I had, even as intense as it was, may not be mine, but may be an ancestors, passed to me via traducianism.

More recently, I was given what we "bible thumpers" call a "word of knowledge." To get a "word" one merely asks God a question, then waits for the answer.  It can be hard to distinguish one "voice" from the noise of one's own head.  To address this, we (meaning me and mine) practice by asking for information about each other we didn't previously know.  This turned out to yield very specific and accurate results during these exercises.  So at a recent point in time, I asked about the Sidhe and Dannan....I got the following...

"Who were the Sidhe." The answer came in a weird manner.  It was "These same were the Sons of Lyr."  It was not an audio manifestation, it was a direct transmission to the mind from somewhere within. I was able to easily differentiate this from my own thought stream which buzzes high in my mind.

With a previously held possibility in mind concerning a specific population of a people called Amorites, I asked...

"Were the Amorites the Dannan?"  The answer, "Not entirely."
'What then?" "The Dannan came out of the Sidhe, intermingling," and I was reminded, "not ENTIRELY Amorites." So I took it that the Dannan came about from a mixing of the Sidhe and those specific Amorites.

"What was Lyr?"  "A Giant, a Nephilim."
I got an image of him, longer sandy blonde hair, a heavy brow with intense steel blue eyes.  He also had a light beard on his jawline and chin. He wore a simple studded band of dark metal of leather around his he
ad.

So that is my paradigm.  I believe the humanoid, non-human beings of earth mythos are rooted in the nephilim and carry non-human spiritual components due to a set of angelic sires. I believe I am one of these.  A "Sidhe." 

Addendum: While I   believe that I am Sidhe in this manner, I recognize this host of possible spiritual implications.  Technically, being decended from the nephilim might cause one to be counted among the clans of the Rephaim, the seed of the nacash.  So?  One might ask.  The problem is, it seems that the relevant texts tell us that YHVH intended the utter annihilation of any traces of Rephaim clans.  The methods were natural disasters, wars, and even angels. However, upon scrutiny, there is an interesting anecdote. Two Amorite cities, who chose YHVH by siding with Joshua, were spared in Canaan.  The text never says where those beings went. I have ideas that I have already presented above, but where they went is not the point.  The point is that this account says to me that it is possible to reject one's fallen angelic line, and be accepted into YHVH's kingdom, just like anyone else.

For that reason, I felt it crucial to close this with a certain statement.  I am an expatriate.  I reject the line of the Nacash.  My knee bends to another, Yeshua is Lord.

Author:Fendreas
Published:Aug 15th 2012
Modified:Mar 17th 2014
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